SLaM 2000
League Preview
TEAM: Mayfield Rats
OWNER: The Closet Rat - Rob Zazzalli
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: B-
RB: B
WR: B-
WR/TE: B-
Bench: C
GPA: 2.7
OVERVIEW
Welcome to the league Rook. Unfortunately, it looks like a long season ahead for the new-comer unless he catches a couple breaks and make a few key waiver moves. The rebirth of Kordell would be nice, but that'll be hard from the bench. Brad Johnson will get his points as long as he stays healthy - will this be this year be dubbed Return of the Leaf?
QUESTIONS
Can "The Bus" fire up the old engines one more season for this loyal Steeler fan? Will whoever is throwing the ball in Pittsburgh find Plaxico the dangerous target he was in college? Will Rob manage to stay clothed throughout the entire season?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus Ming's Minions & Gunslingers in Steelers 3 way dance.
Versus Dolla Billz in the Battle for California
TEAM: GodKing's Legion
OWNER: Jon Ricard
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: C
RB: A-
WR: B
WR/TE: C
Bench: B-
GPA: 2.7
OVERVIEW
Once again GodKing's Legion rides forth - and once again it looks like they are under-manned and under-gunned to make a real run for the championship. The real question for this team will be whether or not one of it's "sleeper" QB picks will pan out and be able to step in for Kitna or Brunell - whichever happens to be injured or under-performing at the time. It's deadly tandem of running backs should produce consistent points, that may allow the Legion to surprise a few foes - but probably not enough to make the playoffs.
QUESTIONS
Can Kitna find the magic he had at the outset of the last season? Will James Stewart find the Lions OL as much to his liking as Jaxs? How far into the season will we get before Ricard fires himself and hires "The Leader of the New Generation" as head of operations?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus Galt's Destroyers - (you don't wanna know what's at stake)
Versus Ming -- a win evicts Mo, a loss evicts Ed.
TEAM: Token Minorities
OWNER: J.P. Parris, esquire
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: B+
RB: C-
WR: A
WR/TE: B+
Bench: A-
GPA: 3.2
OVERVIEW
Last year's champs look well prepared for another run at the SLaM Title. However, can the man known at the Reserve as "Double Down the Zebra Lover" again work the waiver wire wonder that lead him to the promised land last season? Unless Corey Dillon becomes Walter Payton, or Curtis Martin rediscovers himself under Al Groe, this team will struggle to get points from it's backfield - and to win ballgames.
QUESTIONS
How many times will JP complain about not being able to keep Marshall Faulk over from last season? Can Jeff Blake find new life in New Orleans? Can JP convince the BlackJack Coalition to engage in the Chutes and Ladders Match?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus Dictators - Dubbed "The Crazy Horse Too" Showdown
Versus Snipers - Lots of tension since BK's dad kept JP out of Law School
TEAM: Chipper's Charges
OWNER: Jerry Wright
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: B+
RB: C
WR: A-
WR/TE: B-
Bench: C-
GPA: 2.7
OVERVIEW
Don't let the GPA deceive you - barring major injuries this could be a very dangerous team. If Dante Culpepper makes full use of the weapons available to him, and Robert Smithera can avoid injury (or at least avoid major ones) - this team could very well challenge for the playoffs.
QUESTIONS
How many Braves will Jerry get in return for trading Moss to The BlackJack Coalition? How did BK manage to draft Emmitt Smith again? Can Culpepper perform as billed?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus Ming's - gets his security deposit back if he wins.
TEAM: Galt's Destroyers
OWNER: Nicole Pajot Ricard
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: A
RB: C
WR: B
WR/TE: C+
Bench: A
GPA: 3.1
OVERVIEW
Two Years ago she was beaten single-handedly by a man named Chmura. Last year, she lost half her draft in Week One. But, undaunted, she has again returned and it looks like she might have the goods to make a legitimate title run. The only chink in her armor appears to be at running back - there her hopes rest on the return to form of Jamal Anderson. If he can repeat his "Dirty Bird" ways, than the one known as Vixen may have a SLaM Championship in her future.
QUESTIONS
Can Peyton Manning match the tremendous season he put together last year? Can her team not all die in the first week? Will she trade her whole team to the Dictators for Mike Alscott and the rights to Brett Favre?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus Dolla Billz - Catfight !! CATFIGHT !! :)
TEAM: Avon Gunslingers
OWNER: Your Friendly Neighborhood Commissioner Freeman
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: B
RB: B+
WR: B-
WR/TE: B
Bench: B+
GPA: 3.1
OVERVIEW
The Inaugural SLaM Champion laces up his cleats for another run at the title, and this time looks for youth to lead the way. Relying on several young stars like Cade, Curtis, and Amani - this team could easily dominate or be dismantled.
QUESTIONS
Can Cade live up to the 2nd round draft pick used to select him? Can TD regain his old form? Is there a better named WR duo then Armani Toomer and Mushin Muhhammed? How does he manage to be such a great commissioner?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus Minorities - loser has to go gambling with Matt
Versus Snipers - winner gets one night with Carin
TEAM: Snipers
OWNER: Bruce "Whiteflash" Kammer
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: A-
RB: B+
WR: B
WR/TE: B
Bench: B
GPA: 3.2
OVERVIEW
Kammer has put together what appears to be another solid team on paper, but he has yet to turn such teams into title contenders - will this year be different? Two QB's would could set the league on fire or disappear from sight anchor this squad, and they will go only as far as Johnson and Warner carry them.
QUESTIONS
Will BK trade Emmitt to ChipChip for a King's Ransom? Will BK get confused and try to sign Michael Owen and David Beckham? Can Rickey Williams meet his potential and can Emmitt or Dorsey provide enough healthy outings to aid him?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus Ming's - Flyweight division championship
Versus Billz - Still mad Jules won't eat at In-n-Out
TEAM: Ming's Minions
OWNER: Tony and The BlackJack
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: B
RB: B+
WR: B+
WR/TE: A
Bench: C
GPA: 3.3
OVERVIEW
As much as it pains this author to admit, this team has a realistic shot at taking home the SLaM crown. After two seasons of heinous drafting, perhaps the influence of the BlackJack has rubbed off, and Tone has seen the light. A well balanced team, Ming's will need strong seasons from it's Philly Duo of McNabb and Duce to find it's way to the SLaM holy land.
QUESTIONS
Can it's Philly Duo produce? Will Charlie Garner be able to maintain his production in a revamped 49er Offense? Are the BlackJack and Tone man enough to take on Matt and JP in the Steel Cage?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus ChipChip - battle of the old roommates .. time to vent that pent up anger
Versus Mayfield - World Greatest Steeler Fan … there can be only one!
TEAM: Dictators
OWNER: Matt Milone
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: C
RB: A
WR: B+
WR/TE: B+
Bench: B-
GPA: 3.2
OVERVIEW
All things considered, this is probably the strongest Dictators team in the league's three year history. The pressure rides squarely on the teams QB's. Can the young Couch become a fantasy stud like Peyton? Can Vinny not suck with out Keyshawn? If the answer to either is Yes, then the playoffs are possible. If both are true, Guru may attain his first ever championship.
QUESTIONS
Was he smoking crack when he drafted Vinny that early? Will he be alive and less than 30 grand in debt at seasons end? Can Marshall Faulk again be SLaM's MVP?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus Legion -- winner buys the 40's, or 32's as the case may be.
Versus ChipChip - revenge opportunity for loser of Braves-Mets series
TEAM: Dolla Billz
OWNER: Jenks ThinkTank
POSITIONAL BREAKDOWN:
QB: B
RB: A-
WR: B-
WR/TE: A-
Bench: B+
GPA: 3.3
OVERVIEW
Ahh - the ever dangerous Jules and her trusty companion Matt. It once again appears that Jules has been underestimated by her foes, and could be the team to beat coming out of the draft. Well stocked at every position, the only question mark for this team is whether Fred Taylor can play in enough games to merit his 11th pick overall status.
QUESTIONS
Can Gannon and Batch put together enough points to compliment the rest of the squad? Will Terry Glenn not be a sissy, and Westbrook not be a loud mouth? Why can't Jules eat fatty fish?
PIVOTAL MATCHUP:
Versus Ming's - Battle of the Coalitions.
Versus Galt's - (see the aforementioned Cat Fight Reference)
Snipers at Dolla Billz - Billz win after Snipers QB Rob Johnson is benched 5 minutes before game time by Wade Phillips in favor of Ron Pawlus.
Ming's at Galt's - Galt's again victimized by a TE as Wychek goes for 350 yards, and 3 TD's - Ming's advance.
Galt's gets its revenge and scores a SLaM record 900 points, Sniper's owner doesn't mind as he gets a free dessert anyway.
Submitted 8/30/00 by SLaM 2000 Commissioner Josh Freeman.