Steel

Starring: Shaquille O'Neal
Director: Kenneth Johnson
Genre: Action
Year: 1997
Rating: 2 / 5

Reviewed by Guest Scribe Jules

Fresh from viewing the television premiere of Steel on TNT (why did I not see this on the big screen?), with many of its witty one-liners rattling around in my head, I was ready to write a glorious review of the movie. Since I am nothing if not thorough, though, I went to IMDB to check out the background information. I was stunned to hear from some concerned viewer that Steel was actually a legitimate comic book, and not just a show-time vehicle for the rising star, Shaquille O'Neal. I was even more stunned to read that he actually thought that, if handled differently, it could have been a good movie. With that in mind, I am forced to temper my original enthusiasm, but not by much.

For those of us who appreciate Shaq's many talents, off-court (see, "I'm outstanding") or on-court (dunking, dunking, and a line-drive half-hook, recently expanded during the all-star game to include a coast-to-coast drive punctuated by an "old-school" finger roll lay-up), this movie is another classic in his off-court repertoire. Fortunately for the rest of the population, though, this movie provides plenty of entertainment for those that don't appreciate the finer points of Shaq. How can one dislike a movie that provides its leads the opportunity to utter lines like, "Eat the hot dog, don't be one," "I boogie 'round danger like a soul train dancer," and my personal favorite, "Do it again and that's your ass"?

The plot is somewhat irrelevant, considering the dialogue, but I'll describe it nonetheless. Our hero, John Henry Irons (Shaq), is a kind-hearted military weapons designer, who quits when Nathaniel Burke (Judd Nelson) tampers with his prototypes and nearly kills his trusty sidekick, Sparky (Annabeth Gish). When John Henry arrives home from the military, his grandma informs him that he has received many messages, but he dismisses them with a casual, "oh, those are probably just from weapons builders". Instead, as a career, he ends up transforming himself (with Uncle Joe - a revamped Shaft - and Sparky's help), from a 7-foot weapons expert, to a 7-foot weapons expert dressed in a funky steel suit. All this in order to prevent the spread of the illegal and deadly - and recently leaked - military-prototype weapons on the streets of LA. If this sounds complicated, it's because I botched the job of describing the plot succinctly. Rather than dwelling on plot details, the viewer's job is to sit back, relax, and enjoy Shaq's million-dollar smile and life lessons. In Steel, he teaches us to rise above the fact that "C.R.E.A.M. - Cash rules everything around me," and to ignore his uncle's caveat, "Be careful 'cause you ain't superman and you damn sure aren't getting paid." The irony alone is worth a look.

Cast:

Shaquille O'Neal..........	Steel
Annabeth Gish..........	Susan Sparks
Richard Roundtree..........	Uncle Joe
Judd Nelson..........	Nathaniel Burke

Certification: Rated PG-13.
Running Time: 97 minutes.

Additional Info: Internet Movie Database
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