Lake Placid

Starring: Bill Pullman, Bridget Fonda
Director: Steve Miner
Genre: Horror
Year: 1999
Rating: 1 / 5

Five minutes into Lake Placid, I was already regretting having spent eight dollars to see it. I found myself searching for some redeemable quality in the film, and while it will not quite go down as one of the worst movies ever, it is certainly a close cousin. When a movie lacks (1) a credible plot, (2) good acting, and (3) an intelligent script, its prospects for success are certainly minimal. As I left this movie, I found myself wondering how David E. Kelley, the same man who created Ally McBeal and The Practice, could write such an abominable script, and how Bill Pullman, Bridget Fonda, and Oliver Platt possibly ended up in this movie.

Lake Placid takes us to the Maine wilderness, to an unnamed lake which is not called Lake Placid. It appears that name is already taken, and the townsfolk would like to be a little more original than that. (Why is the film called Lake Placid, you ask? Good question.) After the town sheriff witnesses the death of a man while out on a small dingy, Jack Wells (Pullman) of Fish & Game is called in to investigate. It seems that in the body of the unfortunate soul who was apparently bit in half near the boat, there lies a tooth. This tooth is shipped to Kelly Scott (Fonda) in New York, and she is sent by her boss to investigate. Once there, Kelly, a paleontologist, moans incessantly about the weather, the insects, the gore, and just about everything else. When independent rich guy Hector Cyr (Platt) arrives, a small dose of humor is injected, but by this point, no one cares whether this motley crew is out to save the mysterious monster in the lake or kill it.

There is no suspense in Lake Placid, and there is no tension. It is pretty much common knowledge that the creature in question is a crocodile, and director Steve Miner attempts to retain some sense of drama by reminding the viewer that a crocodile such as this cannot possibly exist in Maine. Maybe to a marine biologist this may prove to be a frightening prospect, but, to the average viewer, this tidbit is completely superfluous. Once the identity of the creature is known, any excitement there may have been dissipates rapidly. Furthermore, once we are told that crocodiles this large have already been spotted in other parts of the world, this particular croc loses a bit of his bite.

If the creature were not bad enough, the acting (or, more aptly put, the writing) is even worse. Bill Pullman (Spaceballs) is as cardboard as ever, and there is zero chemistry between him and Bridget Fonda. For her part, Fonda is as annoying as ever, displaying little to no interest in her character at all. She alternately squeals and whines, never causing the viewer to care one iota about her well-being. Oliver Platt delivers some humorous lines, but this is merely due to the fact that his dialogue is so poor that it is laughable. Brendan Gleeson (Braveheart) exudes no life as the low-IQ sheriff, further advancing the stereotype of incompetent law enforcement officials. None of these actors are scene-stealers by any means, but they should each seek new agents after having to list this film on their resumes.

The real villain of the film, however, is David E. Kelley. While initially slow to warm to the program, I have come to respect and cherish Ally McBeal, Kelley's hit Fox television show. It is smart, witty, and full of some rather complex issues. It shocks me to think that the same man who can produce such a ground-breaking show can also produce a useless piece of trash like Lake Placid. Cliches abound in this film, and every character is a rehash of horror movies past. It is surprising that, in the post-Scream era, filmmakers would insult their viewers in such a fashion. The only laughs generated by this film are purely accidental, and there are certainly no thrills or chills to be found. Lake Placid, the Anaconda of 1999, is not even worth the price of a matinee ticket - if only I could pretend that I never saw it...

Certification: Rated R for language and violence.
Running Time: 82 minutes.

Additional Info: Internet Movie Database
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