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Deep Blue Sea

Starring: Thomas Jane, Saffron Burrows
Director: Renny Harlin
Genre: Thriller
Year: 1999
Rating: 3 / 5

Reviewed by Guest Scribe Godking

Water, water everywhere, and far too many large-ass, genetically-engineered, as-smart-as-your-average-pit-bull-crossed-with-a-fluid-mechanics-engineer mako sharks for my taste.

Okay, so you know the plot. You see, you take this shark, see, and keep it in its natural habitat rather than putting it in some research facility in the fricking desert, but you use nice titanium fencing material, so everything is going to be alright. Then you use fricking lasers and gene therapy to make these sharks really, really, really big, see, so that their brains are really, really big. But, you see, there is no way to just make their brains big, and these guys get really, really big, and smart enough to eat their way out of captivity to FREEDOM. I can just see the big bad GEN2 shark talking between mouthfuls of human...

"Some sharks are created bigger than others...But seriously guys, we gots to be getting out of here... I say we eat these little snack cookies, and then become the baddest ocean swimmers since MEGLADON."

Okay, so this movie stars Saffron Burroughs, who acts well enough, but gets down to her skivvies even better in order to do her best impersonation of Roy Scheider. She also makes the second dumbest move in the entire movie, which is rapidly followed by the first. You'll see, because you will see this coolly animated semi-cool film starring the finest African American actor this side of Omar Epps. Yep, Samuel Windu Jackson is here, spouting sage-like advice with the best of them.

Cool effects, don't-play-with-what-God-intended-or-get-eaten morality, hot chicks, Michael Rapaport and cool effects, along with some cool effects, make this a film worth seeing. I will leave you with a couple of parting observations.

  1. When creating large sharks, do not do it in the ocean. I recommend nice Arizona real estate.
  2. When dealing with large and super strong bits of chewing teeth, always have really big firearms about.
  3. DO NOT STAND NEAR THE WATER IF THEY ARE LOOSE.
  4. IF they get away, no big deal. Do not decide to stop them once they are trying to get away. Unless you were dumb enough to let them get pregnant, you will be able to find them and kill them by following the trail of sunken pleasure craft and missing fisherman. Let the fricking coast guard handle it.
  5. When your choice is volunteering to help save everyone or simply hiding in a closet with a couple of air tanks and a few life preservers, hide in the fricking closet unless you are damned certain you are a main character.
  6. If the main glass wall protecting you from the ocean and the sharks is cracking, RUN - don't walk! - to the nearest door and seal it. Do not watch the pretty glass crack.

Cast:
Thomas Jane..........Carter Blake
Saffron Burrows..........Susan McAlester
Samuel L. Jackson..........Russel Franklin
LL Cool J..........Preacher
Michael Rapaport..........Tom Scoggins

Certification: Rated R for violence and gore.
Running Time: 104 minutes.

Additional Info: Internet Movie Database
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